I always thought my movie,
Would be a comedy,
Not quite the tragedy,
That it's become,
More slapstick,
Then chick flick,
More Caddy Shack,
Then Breakfast at Tiffany's,
So thank me at the podium,
For a life time of Contribution,

Turn on the cameras,
Someone queue the extras,
Hair and makeup to the set,

Because the big screen's,
Calling final casting call,
It's your big shot baby,
You're the next big star,
Another stupid movie,
About a guy with a broken heart,
It's falling apart,
Heading for the cutting room floor,
(Heading for the cutting room)
In the sequel honey,
I'm the guy,
Who gets the girl,

So if you miss my movie,
Get the DVD,
Check out the chemistry,
Between you and me,
Less Raising Arizona,
More Steel Magnolias,
So when you walk down that red carpet,
I hope you trip and fall,
I hope someone squirts,
You with a water gun,
A supersoaker filled with pee,

Because the big screen's,
Calling final casting call,
It's your big shot baby,
You're the next big star,
Another stupid movie,
About a guy with a broken heart,
It's falling apart,
Heading for the cutting room floor,
(Heading for the cutting room)
In the sequel honey,
I'm the guy,
Who gets the girl,

All apologizes to Kevin Costner,
And that chick from Monster,
Give me Adam Sandler, Will Farrall, Belushi, and even Val Kilmer,
He was funny in Real Genius,
(What about Top Gun?)
No, Top Gun wasn't funny,
(Whatever,)
Top Secret was funny too,
But he sucked as Batman,

The big screen's,
Calling final casting call,
It's your big shot baby,
You're the next big star,
Another dumb movie,
About a guy with a broken heart,
I'm falling apart,
Steven Spielberg's calling,
And he's setting up cars,

It's your big shot baby,
You're the next big star,
Another stupid movie,
About a guy with a broken heart,
It's falling apart,
Heading for the cutting room floor,
(Heading for the cutting room)
In the sequel honey,
I'm the guy,
Who gets the girl,
Who gets the girl,

I'm the guy,
That gets the girl,
Who gets the girl (x6)