I said a bad word when I was a kid.
Mamma said that I'd be sorry for the sin that I did.
My daddy whooped me and the preacher said shame.
And I tried like hell to change.

(Chorus:)
But I cuss, I smoke.
I laugh at dirty jokes.
The minor voices.
Man I know 'em well.
I've closed down bars.
I've lusted in my heart.
My ex's think I ougta burn in hell.
But the devil he won't notice when I die.
Don't you figure he's got bigger fish to fry.

Politicians taking pork barrel bribes.
Crooked CEOs are getting off with no time.
Christmas Eve burglers stealing good children's toys.(Can't say Christmas)
Holiday burglers stealing good children's toys.

(Chorus:)
I cuss, I smoke.
I laugh at dirty jokes.
The minor voices.
Man I know 'em well.
I've closed down bars.
I've lusted in my heart.
My ex think I ougta burn in hell.
But the devil won't even notice when I die.
Yeah don't you figure he's got bigger fish to fry.

Yeah there's gonna be bonfire burning.
An everlasting barbecue.
But with all the bad stuff going on.
There ain't gonna be room for me and you.

(Chorus 2:)
'Cause we cuss, we smoke.
We laugh at Tater's jokes.
(spoken:)
Tell one Jim.
You know you're old when your wife says honey let's run upstairs and make love.
And your answer is "I cannot do both."
The minor voices, man we know 'em well.
We've closed down bars.
We've lusted in our hearts.
Our ex's think we ougta burn in hell.
But the devil he won't notice when we die.
Hey don't you figure he's got bigger fish to fry.
Yeah don't you figure he's got bigger fish to fry. Pass the tartar sauce

When we all get to heaven what a day of rejoicing it will be.