She said, "It's just a woman thing,"
And pulled out of the drive
And I said not to worry
I'm an understanding guy
I heard that when you love someone
You gotta let 'em go
She hollered, "When I find myself
You'll be the first to know."
Ooo-hooo no news

I learned to do the laundry
Feed the cat and clean the house
I promised to be patient
While she worked her problems out
When she packed her bags
Her destination was unclear
But I sensed that her intentions
Were honest and sincere
Ooo-hooo no news

(Chorus:)
She could telephone, tell a friend
Tell a lie about where she's been
Send a pigeon, send a fax
Write it on a Post-It pad
Send a signal up in smoke
Tap it out in morse code
I'd prefer a bad excuse

To no news

Her momma's been a little vauge
As to her whereabouts
Her sister says, "I'm certain
Your romance is headed south."
I don't have a single doubt
That she's still in love
My level of anxiety
Is just a product of
Ooo-hooo no news

(Repeat chorus)

She missed her bus, missed her plane
Surely, this can be explained
Lost her car at the mall
Got locked in a bathroom stall
Joined the Cult, Joined the Clan
On the road with Pearl Jam
Buried with the Grateful Dead
Came back as a parrot head
Got derailed, got de-iced
Offered as a sacrafice
FBI, CIA, if they've seen her
They ain't saying
No news! Still no news!