Don't wanna be a Canadian idiot
Don't wanna be some beer-swillin' hockey nut
And do I look like some frostbitten hosehead?
I never learned my alphabet from A to Zed

They all live on donuts and moose meat
And they leave the house without packing heat
Never even bring their guns to the mall
And you know what else is too funny?
Their stupid Monopoly money
Can't take 'em seriously at all

Well, maple syrup and snow's what they export
They treat curling just like it's a real sport
They think their silly accent is so cute
Can't understand a thing they're talkin' aboot

Sure, they've got their national healthcare
Cheaper meds, low crime rates and clean air
Then again, well, they've got Celine Dion
Eat their weight in Kraft macaroni
And dream of drivin' a Zamboni
All over Saskatchewan

Don't wanna be a Canadian idiot
Won't figure out the temperature in Celsius
See the map, they're hovering right over us
Tell you the truth, it makes me kinda nervous

Always hear the same kind of story
Break their nose, and they'll just say "Sorry!"
Tell me, what kinda freaks are that polite?
It's gotta mean they're all up to something
So quick, before they see it coming
Time for a pre-emptive strike